Reflexive practice: The tool to navigate and repattern challenging situations

Timeline (Facts and Sequence)

• I spent the afternoon with family and friends.
• It was socially full but a little overstimulating
• Once everyone left and the house became quiet, I suddenly felt isolated and lonely.
• I opened my phone, scrolled for a bit, and ordered Uber Eats.
• The meal arrived, it wasn't even that quick but I was scrolling on my phone, but it was oily and did not make me feel good afterward.

Outcome

• I felt physically uncomfortable and emotionally flat.
• The loneliness did not actually go away. It was only numbed for a moment.
• It cost me $40 rather which I could have spent better

Feelings (and where in the body)

• Lonely, disconnected, a bit empty.
• Heaviness in my chest and a hollow feeling in my stomach.

Wishful Nopes (what I wish would not happen again)

• I do not want to soothe loneliness with food that does not help.
• I do not want to make a quick decision that leaves me feeling worse physically.

Individual Choices (without blame)

• I chose to fill the emotional gap with convenience food.
• I chose not to check in with myself before ordering.
• I chose the fastest option instead of the most supportive one.

Underlying Needs

• I needed comfort, grounding, and a sense of connection after the social high dropped.
• I needed something predictable and soothing.
• I needed a transition ritual between social mode and alone mode.

Acknowledge Past Choices (what I would prefer not to repeat)

• Ordering Uber Eats out of impulse and as a default.
• Using food as the first line of emotional regulation.

Tipping Point Moment

• The moment the door closed behind the last person and the silence hit.
• As I sat down on the couch and felt low - that is when the loneliness surged and the default to Uber Eats, my autopilot pattern kicked in.

Explore Other Options - Possibility of Prevention

• Having a simple, ready to go meal option at home.
• Planning a gentle after socialising ritual such as tea, a shower, music, or journaling.
• Noticing the emotional drop off as a normal part of the cycle.

Other Options Available

• Taking something out of the freezer to add to a premade salad.
• Making a cup of tea and sitting outside for a few minutes.
• Sending a short message to someone.
• Putting on a comforting show or playlist.

Support I Could Reach Out To

• A friend I can send a quick decompressing message to and what I'm going to do afterwards

Meeting Underlying Needs Differently

• Comfort through warm tea, a blanket, or soft lighting.
• Connection through a short message.
• Grounding through a shower, stretching, or stepping outside.
• Predictability through a pre prepared meal that feels nourishing.
• Acknowledging the uncomfortable feelings with a self-driven RAIN practice
• Acknowledging the uncomfortable feelings with a guided RAIN practice

Select Preferred Choices

• Take something out of the freezer and add it to a premade salad.
• Make tea and sit for five minutes before deciding anything.
• Acknowledge the loneliness instead of reacting to it.

Potential Feelings

• More grounded and in control.
• Physically better, lighter, and clearer.
• Emotionally soothed rather than numbed.
• Proud of myself for choosing something aligned with my needs.

Find the Moment Where You Can PauseThe Reflexive Pause

• The moment right after everyone leaves and the silence hits is the key pause point.

How I Could Pause

• Take three slow breaths.
• Put both feet on the floor and feel the contact.
• Say internally: I am feeling the drop and I can choose what happens next.

Meaning Shift

• I want to care for myself in a way that actually helps.
• I deserve to feel nourished, not depleted.
• I want to build trust with myself around emotional eating patterns.

Implementation Intention

In the future, I do not want to soothe loneliness with impulsive food choices because it leaves me feeling physically uncomfortable and emotionally unchanged. When this situation comes up, I would prefer to take something from the freezer and add it to a premade salad, and give myself a few minutes to breathe and ground. I believe these choices will help me feel calmer, clearer, and more cared for because they meet my needs without creating new discomfort. Before the tipping point, which is the moment the house becomes quiet after people leave, I will create a moment to pause so I can access my preferred choices. I will pause by taking three slow breaths and grounding my feet. It might not happen perfectly the first time, but I will keep practicing because I want to respond to loneliness with care and compassion for myself.

1. What happened?

• Timeline: Key facts and sequence.
• Outcome: What resulted?
• Feelings: How did you feel, and where in your body?
• Wishful Nopes: What would you prefer not to repeat?

2. What was your part?

• Choices Made: What did you choose (without self‑blame)?
• Underlying Needs: What needs were you trying to meet?
• Non‑Preferred Choices: Which choices would you avoid next time?
• Tipping Point: When did things start unfolding in a way you couldn’t redirect?

3. What else could you do next time?

• Prevention: What could reduce the chance of this happening again?
• Options: What alternative actions or supports are available?
• Needs Met Differently: How else could you meet the underlying need?

4. What will you choose instead?

• Preferred Choices: What would you do next time?
• Potential Feelings: How might these choices change how you feel?

5. Where can you pause?

• Pause Point: When could you interrupt the old pattern?
• Pause Method: How will you ground yourself (breath, feet, sensory anchor)?
• Meaning Shift: Why does changing this pattern matter to you?

6. Implementation Intention

A single, compact script:

In the future, I don’t want [outcome] because it made me feel [feeling]. When this situation arises, I will choose to [preferred choices], which I believe will help me feel [potential feelings] because [reason]. Before [tipping point], I will pause by [pause method] so I can access my preferred choices. I may not get it perfect at first, but I will keep practicing because [meaning shift].